I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
