Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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