i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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