he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
