Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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