We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
