his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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