I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
