hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Vodka?
Forever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
