hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
