ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
