hotel room ftw
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
