I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
