I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
