the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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