In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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