The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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