i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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