I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
