bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
