well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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