there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
