my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
