You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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