So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
