It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
