I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
