There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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