my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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