I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
