I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
