Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
