seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
