look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
