Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
