I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
