I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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