When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
