Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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