what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
