You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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