Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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