remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
