My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
