Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
