chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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