Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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