this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
