Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
