You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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