in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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