i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
