I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
