Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
