My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize