And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
