I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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