Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
