I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
