DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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