I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
