I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we made out on top of his cat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
