Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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