You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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