You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Someone shattered a urinal.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
