break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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