Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
