she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
