My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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