so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
