My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
