Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
