she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
