Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
