**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
