And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
