haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
