we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
