I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
