i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
