U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
