i think my tv is drunk
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
