You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
