She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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