I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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