I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
