Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Come share oat with me in your robe
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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